I knew I would enjoy listening to StoryCorps interviews, but I didn’t know I would love listening to them as much as I do. The idea of getting snippets of memorable dialogue between complete strangers is so amazing and exciting and everything in between. I think what really gets to me is that each interview gets a different response from me. A different emotion. A different thought. Personally, nine times out of ten I would rather not share my emotions in public places. They’re mine and I don’t think that everyone should have access to what I’m thinking about and so on. I wasn’t always like that, but hey, people change. And as a result a lot of times I get comments like “you’re so heartless” or “show some emotion”, and that actually upsets me because I know for a fact that I have emotions. A whole ton actually. When I care, I care a lot. When I think, I think a lot, and so on. It’s complicated. Moving on.

In class today, the very first interview we watched was Yusor Abu-Salha’s talk with her third grade teacher. I recognized her image right away. My mind flashed back to the Chapel Hill shooting in North Carolina.

upset. heartbroken.

Just the thought of hearing a beautiful soul’s voice who is now deceased is a little too much for my heart to bare. So when I started hearing the recording, right away I felt tears coming. But at the same time, I value my tears, and I really didn’t want to cry. So I didn’t. But I’m in my room now. And I listened to it again. And I didn’t hold the tears back. I let them flow. And they did. Part of me is upset that of all people it had to be them. All three of them were so youthful, filled with great ideas and pure intentions on how to better our world. Another part of me is thinking about how lucky they are to have passed like they did. The idea of death itself is something that I seldom ponder about, but it’s only because I’m terrified. I think that’s why that interview really got to me. And no matter how many times I listen to it, I think it always will.

As if that first interview wasn’t enough to throw off my emotional stability, the interview with Frank Tempone and his son Jack sure did the trick. I’m personally super attached to my dad. No matter how much we argue and don’t see eye to eye, he’s seriously my “ride or die”. So from the very beginning an interview with a son and father was definitely going to make me feel some kind of way.

I’m gonna be your best friend until I die.

When Jack told his father that, I thought of my relationship with my father. He’s scared I’m not going to be his little girl anymore. But I promise I will. I swear on it. I know he’s never gonna flat out tell me that, but I feel it. That’s why I always try to send him reassuring hints back. Oh, here I go again with tears.. sweet.

I knew you were gonna be better.

My parents both say that to me a lot, and I think it’s one of the most meaningful things any parent can say to their child. Ever. That’s why when Frank told Jack that, I smiled because all the feelings of warmth and love I associate with my parents were now associated with Frank and his son.

I’m not entirely sure who I’m going to interview, and what I’d want to ask them, but I sure hope I feel something. Something different. A good different.